No Regrets

This post is a little personal. It has all been percolating in my mind for a while, and I've only now been able to put it to words.

I've noticed something since I started grad school: people getting advanced degrees are insane. Sure they're intelligent and are (hopefully) going to do something wonderful with their degrees, but at what cost? I'm not talking about the actual cost in dollars (although it's usually significant); I'm talking about the emotional and physical cost of spending so much time studying. I know about this all too well both from my own experience and that of my peers.

You would think that at a school for natural medicine, people would make an effort to have balance in their lives. In classes, we emphasize the importance of balance, and we encourage our patients to reduce their stress levels and have fun. But how many of us can say that we are walking our talk? Not very many. I find it fascinating how many of my peers look down upon the lifestyle of workaholics but spend all of their free time studying.

I recently made the decision to drop the herbs portion of my program. I may choose to pick it back up next year, but I may not. I decided that I needed to make space in my life for me. Although I am certain that I could have done well in the program, it would have required an insane amount of studying on my part, and quite frankly, I don't want my life to be all about school. My schedule is still imperfect, and I don't always have as much time to see my friends as I would like, but I at least have time to breathe and not be stressed all the time. It was the best decision I've made since starting grad school.

Part of me wants to scream at my classmates (some of them, anyway) that it isn't worth it, that it's more important to live your life than to get perfect grades. If I were to die tomorrow (and who's to say I won't?), would I look back at my life and think, "Boy am I glad I studied so hard! That 4.0 was totally worth all the sacrifices I made," or would I say, "I am so grateful for the amazing relationships I forged with people and the experiences I had."? I think it's safe to say that I wouldn't be thrilled with myself if all I had to show for my life was a great GPA and a lot of knowledge.

Of course, this applies to people who are not in school as well. If you devote your life to work instead of to living, you may have a long list of accolades, or a great deal of money to show for it (if you're lucky), but if you fail to forge quality relationships with people, what is the point of it all?

(Warning: Here's where it gets a little personal) My sister was a workaholic. She devoted her life to medicine, and she rose to the top of her field pretty quickly. She lead a very lonely life with only a cat for company. She didn't make a lot of friends, and she didn't date, always putting things off for later. When she was in her mid 30s, she became extremely ill and was no longer able to work. The only people she was able to turn to for help were her family members, and some of them did so only with great reluctance. My relationship with her had always been good, but I wasn't in a position to help her. Only near the end of her life did she make any effort to establish new friendships, but because she was always in and out of the hospital, it was difficult to create anything meaningful. I can tell you now that she looked back at her life with regret, confessing to me that she wished she had made more time for people. In 2007, she died at the age of 40 with only a handful who mourned her passing.

Mahatma Ghandi said, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” I would also add: Love as if we were all to live forever. My goal is to live my life with as few regrets as possible.

::Edit::
One of my facebook friends posted a link to this website about the top 5 regrets people have when they die. It seemed like an excellent addendum to my post.